Drama: The Story of Our Lives

I have recently decided that drama is not a one shot deal. It follows us around throughout life in one form or another. It may mature and grow, but we are never rid of it. Thus, it is a futile effort to try and refrain from having drama in your life. I have come about this conclusion after many years of research - ie. living - and can now say it without a doubt in my mind.

When we leave high school, which is apparently where all the evil drama of the universe dwells, we assume that we leave drama behind us with the rusty lockers and uncomfortable desks. Little do most of us know that those uncomfortable desks follow us into college and bring with them all the evil that is drama. True, it manifests itself differently; now, instead of worrying about who is wearing what, you are worrying about who got so drunk they participated in a gang bang with the Fijis. Is this drama? You bet your ass off it's drama.

While the majority of the drama shifts types, you will always have friendship drama. I notice it in college just as much as in high school. I have come to realize that it is an integrule part of life. You can't really tell who your friends are without drama. I mean, seriously, unless someone gets all upset because Sue slept with Bobby and comes to you about it, how are you going to know if they really do trust you? Okay, okay. That was a bad example, but you get the idea. You need drama in life - though some of us could deal with alot less.

Drama is a necessary and evil part of life. Without it, life wouldn't be worth living. We wouldn't know joy, because we wouldn't know pain; we wouldn't know love, because we wouldn't know heartbreak; we wouldn't know bliss, because we wouldn't know utter despair.

So, if you don't want drama, take lithium, lots of lithium. It will deaden you and stip you of your emotions and awareness of others' emotions. It's really the only way to avoid drama. Well, that or being a hermit...... or dead.

Make the choice: Do you want to live a normal life? Or do you not want to live a life at all just to avoid drama?


~Evy




"But what is drama? Broadly speaking, it is whatever by imitative action rouses interest or gives pleasure." ~George P. Baker

Canada....

Ian: I miss you so much
Me: Yeah?
Ian: yeah
Me: I miss you too
Ian: I wish I were there. I don't care about it here at all. Canada is great but its nothing without you.
Me: *sigh* Yeah. This sucks.

A Self-Portrait in Words

Well, I figured out just now that I wanted to try and do this, but I'm no good at painting these days and lack the supplies. It's like my creativity dried up when my old supplies did. So, I'm doing it in words because I can still do that.



ME:
PAIN. Round face, technicolored hair, nose ring, glasses. The teeth are all there though the front top two are slightly askewed and they are all packed tight in a mouth that is probably too small for them. I dislike the way I look, apart from my eyes and upon occassion my hair. Those are my good features. HATE. My neck is weird and it always has been. It creeps up and steals my jaw line, even when I'm trim it does this. My mom says it's a genetic thing and the only way to fix it is with surgery. I want that surgery. SADNESS. My ears sit where they should and they are neither too large or too small. Sometimes I think they are too small. They have several man-made holes in them for beauty purposes, but is it really all that beautiful? ANGER. This is not the body I asked for. I wanted one more like my sister's. A little taller, lots smaller. She can have kids, we know this, but I'm not sure if I can yet. I try and think positively though. She was really sick for a while: she goes hyper I go hypo. We are exact opposites. All the ickiness I blame on my dad's side. My sister doesn't have this and she doesn't have my dad. LONELINESS. I scar way too easily from what I have and it doesn't help that I am a little tricholomanic these days either. I don't want to be, but I noticed that I do it more when I'm not being self mutalating. I just switched one form of self-destruction for another. SICKNESS. As I get older, I notice more and more that I'm probably bipolar like both of my parents. I have high highs and low lows, more so than normal people. My mom notices it too. I've taken a diagnostic test before that told me that I probably had it, but the lady doing the screening told me it was just because I lived with my dad at the time. Whatever. LOVE. As far as I can tell, I've only been in love once and it has alot to do with being afraid to get hurt. I've cared about people all my life, but I keep them at arms length. I don't want them too close. LAUGHTER. It's funny because when I do let people in, I give them my everything. I care deeply about those I love and feel close to and it hurts me to see them hurting. I'd like to blame this on the hell my father put me through, but I'm sure it's just a character thing with me. HOPE. I'm close to my younger brother, very close. We still argue and bicker, but it really does have alot to do with the fact that I see myself in him and what we went through together. We have come to rely heavily on each other and this has led to many an argument. FAITH. I am a serious worrier and you can tell it in my eyes, as well as the fact that I am passionate. I constantly worry about people and things that I shouldn't worry about. I fear for other's safety and hate when people are late because it makes my heart jump into my throat. I hate when people don't respond to me because I immediately launch into thinking all the worst. PASSION. Again, I blame this on my father. But I am full of passion none the less. I live it. I have come to the conclusion that I'm going to live in the moment because plans never work out the way they are supposed to. NEVER. Yet, I still make plans for my future. I break them all the time, but it's the thought that counts, right? BEAUTIFUL. My hair is a mess and my skin isn't perfect like it used to be. I look tired all the time and I weigh more than I would like. I can dance very well, but I fear I look dumb doing it now because I'm out of the shape I used to have. My ovaries hate me. Sometimes I do too. As much as I hate myself, I'm learning a little more every day to feel beautiful. I want love, but I look for it in all the wrong places. I should just accept that my friends are the best I could ask for and that most people can't love the way I do because they haven't been through what I have been through. I am 35, but I am only 19.


~Evy




"She's perfect in that fucked up way that all the magazines seem to want to glorify these days. She looks like a teenage anthem. She looks like she used to be happy in another life." ~Amphetamine by Everclear